Originally posted May 21, 2005

Tonight I read an incredible conversion story. Frighteningly, I recognized something that happened to this woman that also happened to my wife and I, but in the most unlikely of places. First, this is what she described

but as the conversation went on I began experiencing something I did not expect---- in fact it was something that I had never experienced before nor have I since.

As the conversation went around the table I began to feel this heaviness around me--- The best way to describe it is to say it was like all the light and air were being sucked out of the room --- it was a very heavy oppressive feeling like as if gravity had just gotten five times stronger and the sun ten times dimmer. I was feeling very uncomfortable and was desperately looking for an excuse to leave when my pager went off giving me the perfect out. As I said goodbye one of the women chuckled and said as she pointed at me “don’t think we’ll be hearing from you again” --- during the conversation I had unconsciously turned my body toward the exit and away from the table--- My body language was pretty obvious--- I did not want to be part of the group. I mumbled something about letting “D” know my decision” and quickly excused myself.

On the drive home it was difficult to shake the feeling of oppressiveness that had lingered with me--- I was baffled by what happened—and in fact I had no clue what it was that had happened. It wasn’t until years later when discussing the experience with my spiritual director that it began to make sense. You see at the time I didn’t believe that there was an evil being or force per se--- humans in my mind were the cause of evil--- so---I felt no fear dabbling in the things I was dabbling in---to me Satan was just a mythical creature designed to scare Christian folks---I was too sophisticated to believe in such nonsense and so because of this dangerous and erroneous attitude it seemed that I had been allowed to experience the presence evil---- not that I believe any one person there was evil --- but that because of our openness to the occult I believe evil, just like water, will always seek the path of least resistance---Still whatever my beliefs after that experience I knew I didn’t want to see those people again--- and I didn’t. In a few days I had relegated it to just a weird experience --- negative energy--- and let it go.

This description sent chills down my spine because my wife and I experienced almost exactly the same thing at an Engaged Encounter weekend in spring of 2000. Let me set the stage. My wife and I were the only non-Catholics in the Engaged Encounter. At the time we were Episcopalian (well I wasn't yet). The priest who was going to marry us suggested that we make an Engaged Encounter weekend in the Lafayette diocese of the Catholic Church. We thought it was odd, but we went anyway. Overall, we had a very positive weekend. Engaged Encounter can be a very awesome experience but it depends on the angle that the presenters go at. Our couples focused on very important aspects of marriage and dared to include topics on contraception and cohabiation. Both of those sins eat away at marriage and are a prime underlying cause for future divorce (i.e. lack of trust and division of sex from marraige increasing the risk of behaviors leading to adultery) ... Anyway, that weekend there was a time when all of the couples sat in the round and a couple of questions were asked. The questions were about cohabitation and sex before marriage. The responses included

"I'll call you a liar if you say that you are not sleeping together before you get married"
"After all, you wouldn't buy a car without a test drive, I don't see why getting married is any different"
"We would be living together but my future father-in-law threatened to kill me if that happened"
"The everyday difficulties of life require us to live in sin"
and the gem of the evening.
"We are all sinning and know it but we know Jesus is going to forgive us anyway so what is the point"

During the airing of grievances against the Church, my wife and I distinctly feel a deep darkness fill the room. It felt like a giant python filling every gap in the room, constricting the air out of our lungs. It was clear to me that this spirit was one of destruction. I felt like there were people laughing at us for being the different ones. I was stunned and didn't even know how to handle myself. I was being called a liar. My beliefs were being ridiculed.

Fortunately the priest and the couples running the evening DID know how to handle it and they did combat such error with charity and with the teachings of the Catholic Church. I still felt more like we needed an exorcist in the room. All but two couples were living together out of 23 and not a single one seemed to show any remorse over the matter.

Afterwards my wife and I stayed and talked to the young couple. This was their first Engaged Encounter weekend and clearly they were shaken up by what had taken place. The wife of the couple was in tears and was comforted by the fact that we stayed to talk to them. She mentioned that at their EE weekend nobody would have admitted to living together even if that was the case. It was taboo and even those who were doing it felt bad about it. She openly wondered what had happened in six years to make such behavior commonplace and acceptable. The attitude was one of total defiance. My guess is that we witnessed an unusual weekend. At least I pray that is the case.

That weekend likely prolonged our return to the Catholic Church by at least a year, if not two. I placed the blame for such ignorance on the Church rather than on the individuals present that weekend. I did come to terms with it and thus I will blog on the people in the pew next to me at a later time.

Kudos to Happy Catholic for highlighting this on her blog.