found a couple of posts I wrote on DCF that I wanted to keep

"Then she tells me that she doesn't think we're good for each other because we never fight."

I hesitate to post this but I think it needs to be said. What I bolded above is a great lie that undermines WAY too many relationships. I hear it all the time. I think people are confusing undisciplined anger with "passion".

It falls into the category of statements like "kids can't control themselves so we have to give them condoms". It seems sensible, however, as Christians, we are called to perfection and perfection doesn't have room for undisciplined sexual behavior just like it doesn't have room for undisciplined anger.

My wife and I hardly fight. In fact, we only fought a tiny bit before we got married but the vast majority of that was pride and hard-headedness on my part. Once I learned that sacrifice trumps selfishness in a relationship things started to get a lot more peaceful. The first year had some occasional quibbles but years 2-5, save a couple of minor disagreements was almost event free. I think people who fight all the time seem to think that it is a measure of some level of honesty that those of us who don't fight are missing. I hear more than my share of seemingly happy married couples who tell us they worry about us because we don't fight. I think they need to worry more about why they DO fight than why we don't. Fighting doesn't have to be a persistent condition of marriage. Its something you can choose to virtually eliminate but you have to be prepared to sacrifice in order to have it, which means swallowing your pride when you know you are wrong.

There is something to be said for knowing that disagreements will happen. They will. Whether or not what results of the disagreement is labelled a fight or not depends on how you deal with it.

My parents just made their 50th anniversary and are still pleased as punch to be married. They fought once when I was about 8 and from talking to my mom, there were some troubles at the start and then things ironed out for 49 years with a few speed bumps Smile.