We had ineffective small groups in our RCIA class and in the Alpha course I did as a Protestant. The problem is that most small groups fail to take into consideration a few basic ground rules regarding the majority of us who are uncomfortable in the setting until they get familiar with people. Small groups also require an effective group leader. I must admit that most leaders I have encountered are woeful at the task. This is true both in my Protestant background and in my Catholic background. The only effective small group I have ever been in was one that met on a continual basis over a series of years. It took time for the dynamic to develop and the dynamic was largely developed by a group leader PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED (i.e. college degree) in dealing with people. He realized developing the relationships in the group was necessary before anything worthwhile would come of the group. Still, for me being an introvert, the comfort level took months to materialize. I am not saying that a small group cannot function well without professional help but it takes time for an effective dynamic to develop between people. In some cases it might happen rather quickly. In others, it could take an uncomfortable period of months.

I have also been present in effective small groups where I was the odd guy out but it was clear to me that everyone else was getting something out of it. The common thread here is familiarity with the people. Everyone knew everyone else and the conversation flowed immediately to the topics at hand because Johnny had an idea where Sue was coming from by having at least a basic understanding of her life experience.

Relationships are more like plants growing from seeds. Its not like buying full grown trees and dropping them into the ground. That is why random small groups are irrirtating to me. You're expecting fruit to come from seeds. Nine times out of ten I know I am going to get a group leader who has no idea how to draw people into the conversation, thus I can look forward to 30 minutes or an hour of watching 15 people stare awkwardly at their watches. The time would be far better spent getting to know each other so that the next time the group meets the awkardness is lessened. Growth of the group is necessary before the real fruit is realized.